The Cute Girl's Guide on How to Meet and Date Asian Men
Hello again! Huggable Heather with some dating advice for the cute girls out there who are crazy for Asian guys but don't know how to meet a lot less talk to Asian men! I put my head together with JT Tran, the Asian Dating Coach, and also solicited the advice from my fellow women who exclusively love them some Asian men.
Now, JT Tran firmly believes that it is the Asian man’s duty and privilege to approach women with confidence in order to kickstart the courtship ritual. However, younger crowd recognizes that sometimes we ladies of the 21st century are tired of waiting around for our Asian Prince Charming to brush us off our feet and instead a cute girl has gotta do what cute girl has to do and take matters into our own manicured hands.
So I (and several other girls that were persuaded to contribute) am here to offer a few tips and pointers who have worked for me previously and how you can apply them in your dating life!
First thing’s first - not all Asian guys are alike.
Much like how not all guys are alike, not every Asian guy will likely be the same. As such, there is no end-all tactic how to meet and also to date Asian men.
You wouldn’t enjoy it if some guy said “all cute girls will be the same”, so we’re not doing that here with Asian men - every person guy who just so happens to be Asian have “an infinite quantity of variables” (to quote JT) that creates his unique personality. We must remember that they are human first and Asian guys second.
WARNING: I’m not giving advice that is 100% guaranteed regarding how to meet and date Asian men, just advice in relation to my own experiences.
1. Be Obvious
Isn't it time you met your Asian man?
Isn't it time you met your Asian man?
There’s a stereotype that Asian men are shy and intimidated by women. While that isn't necessarily true, there are plenty of shy guys out there and, since you’re scanning this, you probably have an Asian guy in mind. Since a more confident Asian guy would’ve already asked you out of trouble (or if you have a friend that may do with more confidence, point them to the ABCs of Attraction: The Confidence Course for Asian Men), let’s concentrate on the shy ones.
That being said, it helps a shy guy out when you’re a bit more obvious about how much you prefer him.
I was raised in a conservative town, and so i was more or less told that ladies were supposed to hold out, twiddling your thumbs, for guys to ask you out. Being the lady, you were to give them subtle hints concerning your feelings (what JT Tran calls Indicators of Interest). This could be anything from giving one a lingering look to lightly touching him about the arm when you talk should you liked him or becoming cold and distant should you weren’t interested. These hints will work, but sometimes they’re not obvious enough to get a painfully shy person or someone not versed at dating.
My advice? If you can tell that your Asian guy is super shy, approach him - don’t wait for him to approach you.
I know, this is totally opposite from what JT says, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do such a girl’s gotta do so that you can figure out how to date Asian men! Find a common interest to speak about and make the subtle hints. If he doesn’t reply to one or two, give him a few more obvious cues, like asking if he wants to go for coffee or telling him that you will wanted to see a certain new movie.
You might even mention that you’ve dated Asian guys before. Do this without completely throwing your self on him. This way, he'll understand that you are interested and not get totally freaked out by your “forward” behavior.
2. Have patience
After working with JT Tran and his Confidence Training Course, I’ve learned some things about the male perspective on dating. I need to say - there is a LOT of pressure on guys i never realized before! They need to muster the courage to ask a girl out, hope they don’t get rejected, find out a date, keep her entertained for a couple hours and hope things go to another date and a potential relationship.
Should you don’t have a lot of experience regarding how to meet members of the opposite sex, to the point where you’re immune to rejection, it could be nerve-wracking. If you have been giving obvious, subtle hints without much response, don’t assume that he doesn’t just like you - these things may take some time.
Before I learned the way to meet and date Asian men alone, I once had to drop hints for four months before one guy realized my feelings and asked me out! I was definitely more patient than most girls, but it can pay off over time.
One thing that I learned that has worked for me is putting myself in the proximity over a long period of time. Another guy I was interested in was a waiter with a Korean restaurant. I used to be attracted to him, but he was usually pretty quiet and kept to himself. I kept going to the restaurant - maybe once weekly or so - so we gradually started warm up to each other. Eventually, it got to the point where he would pullup a chair alongside me and talk to me as I ate.
Finally, he requested my number! Success!
Okay, so you’ve given him all the hints in the world and he’s finally asked get you started. Your date with him, however, wasn’t what you were expecting - he’s not making the moves you would like him to, despite the fact that you’re still being ridiculously obvious. What now?
Sometimes, a guy is getting the signals as well as understands that they are cues for him to do something - anything - but has absolutely no idea what to do with a cute girl. If you are in this situation, don’t get discouraged. You just need to realize that he may not fully comprehend what is happening, especially if he isn’t used to dating outside his race or culture, a smaller amount a cute girl.
This isn’t all guys, of course, but there are the occasional few that don’t believe what’s happening: which you, a gorgeous woman, are on a date with him. Then there are others that doubt your hints - they don’t feel that a cute girl may be giving them cues and don't recognize the correct response.
From my experience, it’s far better to be blunt but perceptive. Some guys need a little more reassurance than the others, but that doesn’t signify they aren’t giving you any resposes at all.
I was on a date once in which the conversation was so frustratingly awkward which i couldn’t wait for it to finish. I was totally certain that he felt exactly the same way, but I kept the conversation going each and every time it trailed off. As we left the restaurant, however, he picked me up up and running and twirled me around his car, exclaiming how happy he ended up being to be out with me and just how much he liked talking to me!
I realized that he was thinking about me, and he later confessed he was nervous about creating eye contact for so long. He actually really enjoyed our date, something which really surprised me!
Ultimately, I just needed to be aware of his feelings and not project mine onto the entire date.
4. Be Sensitive
Remember earlier after i said that not all Asian guys are alike? I truly do mean it.
Its not all Asian guy will probably be enthralled with KPop (not many are from my experience) or watch hours of anime on end (slightly more common than KPop lovers, but still not a majority from my personal experience) just because those things are Asian. As a result, it isn’t in your best interest ahead off as a rabid fangirl to him, cooing over pictures of Rain or fawning over Ichigo from Bleach.
While some guys may that way sort of thing (try your neighborhood anime-con if you’re into that), that’s not the very first thing you want to talk about with every Asian person you meet, aside from an Asian guy you’re interested in. Quite frankly, if a woman gives off those kinds of signals, you’re going to scare him off as being someone who just uses Asian men.
If that sounds strange to you personally, let me put it in perspective: could you walk up to a Black guy and discuss how funny Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle want a fist bump? Can you then proceed to talk about how horrible slavery was after which apologize for you ancestors?
While it’s not on the same level, you don’t would like your first sentence to an Asian guy being about something so stereotypically Asian. It could remind them that most you see is “just an Asian” prior to deciding to and not, in fact, the person that they are, since their entire personality is not contained merely inside their race. Depending on who they really are, it may be a turn-off.
For this one, just make it simple. Talk about your weird English professor, ask his opinion about the best place to get pizza out and about, or find out what he is doing in his free time. You can mention that you’ve dated Asian guys before (as covered in obvious hints), but save that tidbit for a few minutes in.
I’ve personally found that if you talk about a guy’s “Asianness” too quickly, the conversation may go south very quickly. I can empathize - who likes feeling objectified? Ultimately, just make sure that you’re both fairly confident with each other before mentioning potentially touchy subjects.
There is no big secret on dating Asian guys. Everyone is going to be different - the same as guys in general.
I'm confident, however, in my experience and am certain that this could work for you. If you have any suggestions about what has worked for (or on) you, I'd love to hear it, so please sound off in the comments section! Many thanks for reading!